Saturday, February 13, 2010 11:15 PM
I'm trying to get my life back on track. I've received warning from people who cared about me. They told me to get out of it as soon as I can because it will only bring about trouble. One says that I am getting myself into deep and the other tells me that it will only lead ro heartbreaks. I should have listen but I guess this is what I get when I let my heart instead of my head win this game. I drive myself into a mess and now I have to get myself out of it. It was like quicksand when it swalowed me and now I am having trouble reaching out for solid land...somewhere where I can cling on for safety.
They were right. I have gotten myself into deep and now I'm heart broken by the forbiddence of it all. I did not make smart choices and now see what I have got myself into. I feel like a stupid girl. Why oh why didn't I see what's coming? Why didn't I see what it was going to male me feel? Why didn't I see that nothing good can come out of this?
I need someone to tell me that things will be alright. Things are going to be better because I need it to be better for me. I have to tell myself this everyday because if I'm going to let whatever that is happening eat me then I am not going to recover. I'll stay positive. I'm a great girl! I can do this!
Labels: reflections
Sunday, February 07, 2010 4:51 PM
Thoughts are still swimming in my head...not so good for the soul when it eats you up and takes so much of your energy.
Boys say that we girls think too much and are too detailed. They say that we analyse on every small thing. But how could we not when boys do things that make us skeptics. We doubt and then we want to try to figure out why you are doing all those things that make us think and think and think.
So don't boys! Just don't do things that you are not supposed to do ok???
Labels: reflections
Friday, January 29, 2010 9:20 PM
When you're a teacher, you meet students from all walks of life. Sometimes they depend on you to guide them and they look up to you because there is no one else that they can look up to.
They may come from a broken family and you have to help them to stay on the right path. You somehow have to learn to be patient because they need you to be patient with them.
Sometimes you see yourself in them and you can't help it but feel so attached to them. You want them to nurture the best that they can and you just want to help them.
Then you started to care and you feel so attached to them and it's possible to stay away from that.
It's a lot of work but it's so fulfilling.
Labels: reflections
Thursday, January 28, 2010 10:24 PM
When I was given floorball (boys) this year for CCA, I had a lot of doubt in my mind. First, I have not played the game for 9 years and secondly, I was worried that I can't get along with the boys.
However, I'm enjoying it right now and eventhough it takes up a lot of my time, I feel satisfied and somehow fulfilled. The boys crack me up. Watching them talk, play and mingle makes me feel happy. It makes me smile and fills my heart with something that makes me think "it's ok if I go home late...I'm enjoying work."
Labels: reflections
Saturday, January 16, 2010 10:23 PM
Two weeks later, and I'm kinda tired but I think I am satisfied. When I first found out that I will be taking a P5 class I had a lot of doubts and when I found out that I will be on my own for the first 5 weeks I was already doubting my capabilities. But somehow I had drawn some confidence and belief that things would be fine and that it will all be well. Then I found out that I would be helping out with the school's floorball/hockey boys team and I was thinking "there goes my free time". It's a niche sport so after school practice, twice a week is something i can't avoid. The boys are heading out for tournament this Monday and Thursday and I will be on duty to bring the boys to the venue. Busy busy....
Teaching P5 English, maths and science is already busy and hard enough especially science where I've a very shallow knowledge of and then there's floorball which is quite taxing. I'll say bring it on coz I think that I can handle the responsibilities. I just pray that I will be given strenght and perseverance. ;)
Labels: reflections
Saturday, January 02, 2010 9:52 PM
That's the number one song in 2009. Catchy, funky and dancy and I love it.
So what have you done in the New Year that is worthy of speaking of and about? I've not done anything yet other than thinking that I might have developed gastric which is so uncool.
I think that I got food poisoning on Monday, 28th Dec 2009, evening and went to the doctor at 2am the next day to get myself a jab. But after that I still have stomach pains and it seems that it will only settle down after consuming food. I've been avoiding chilli, fearing that it might make the main more intense. Tsk...this is really not fun....
Labels: reflections
Thursday, December 10, 2009 8:44 PM
I was doing some small cleaning up and chanced upon a greeting card. It was from my ex-colleagues. It says: "Sorry you're leaving. Good luck and remember to keep in touch."
Almost everyone had written their well wishes wishing me good luck and all the best in pursuing my dream. I knew that I had a big smile on my face as i re-read all the nice written messages from them. It's nice to know that I've made a positive impact in someone's life and am appreciated in some ways.
The people I've met and worked with during my almost 4 years in the bank have some sort made me the person I am today. I hope that I will remain friends for life with some of these people because they are worth keeping. It's always important to keep in touch, to remain relevant in someone else's life because when the time comes, you need your friends and it's best to have them near you.
Labels: reflections
11:52 AM
Sometimes it gets to a point where I'm really sick of being responsible. I'm not very responsible I'm just responsible and it's this "being the eldest" shit that makes me sick. Does being the eldest entitles me to the responsible title? Why can't someone else take over? I'll give it up if it means that I can do whatever I want without caring what other people would say.
It gets tired when you know that you have to do something because no else can't or no one else doesn't want. When others want to have fun and I couldn't because I'm stuck to pleasing people and not thinking about myself. I would love to have a change sometimes. I'll go out everyday and you stay at home. Everytime I brought this up it doesn't mean people will listen. They'll just nod their heads and then ignore me. Can i just knock your head with a wooden spoon?
Open your eyes, look around and you'll realise that the world does not revolves around you. It's time to think about how and what other people and maybe you should also start thinking about after life.
Someone please get me out of this freaking role that I so wanna give up!
Labels: reflections
Wednesday, December 09, 2009 2:59 PM
One year ago I was in Cappadocia and it was 9AM. We just had our hot air balloon trip and a few hours later snow would be falling down and I will be awed by the crystal clear shapes of the snowflakes. I would be hugging myself trying to keep warm and my fingers felt numb even when it was covered by gloves.
It's hard not to get emotional thinking about Turkey. I love being there so much I wanna go there again. I hope to do that next June and I have to really save up this time. It's also time to start planning because this time around we'll be on our own and I can hardly wait. Seven more months and I could be on my dream vacation!
Labels: reflections
Tuesday, December 08, 2009 11:13 AM
Most times, we really have to take whatever life gives us because we never know what it will lead to. It may sucks most time because the purpose of throwing you that problem was to test if you could handle life's downs. If you could, you'd be surprise at how the outcomes will bring you. It may not be something that you thought of however it will bring you life's greatest pleasures; life's ups.
So when you are thrown into something that tests you to your upper limits, grab it with an eager hand, an enthusiastic spirit and a daring personality. You'll be really surprise by what it makes you and what it will give you.
Labels: reflections
Sunday, August 02, 2009 3:28 PM
Effa and I were walking down from Qiji at Century Square and as we walked pass Kimi Raikonnen's Tagheur ad, she said "Eh amik gambar ngan Raikonnen." and I gamely said "Eh boleh ar."
So this is what happens when I decided to gamely be insane abd take a picture with Kimi's ad. I think deep inside I have been wanting to do this.
I actually wanted to do a post on my birthday but I've been delaying for dunno how long. So since I have some time now, part of today's entry is dedicated to 29 July 2009.
One year ago, I was surprised with a wonderful present in the form of a First Class Honours for my degree. It was unexpected so it was definitely a huge surprise.
This year, I celebrated early by witnessing LFC victorious against the Lions at the National Stadium. I chased Torres, Kuyt, Carragher, Alonso, Benitez and the whole of LFC down the Singapore River catching a glimpse of them was a sight to behold. They are in front of me just feet away.
I also embarked on a new career chasing for fulfillment and satisfaction and am hoping to do so for many years to come.
So here's to turning 24 hopefully wiser and stronger in so many ways.
Labels: reflections
Monday, July 06, 2009 10:50 PM
I've finally finish reading 'The Boleyn Inheritance' by Phillipa Gregory, a fiction based on the lives of King Henry and his fourth and fifth wive. The book is depicted from the eyes of Anne of Cleves (fourth wife), Jane Boleyn (Queen Anne's sister-in-law) and Katherine Howard (fifth wife).
I was not really keen on the idea that King Henry VIII might be misunderstood. He's a...I can't find a better word...monster? He beheaded two of his six wives Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard just because they were accused of adultery...which by the way did not happen...well except maybe for Kitty Howard because she slept with Thomas Culpepper when she was still married to the King. But I wouldn't blame her because she was 15 when she married the King and he was 49! And he had an affair with Mary Boleyn while he was still married to the first Queen, Catherine of Aragon. So it doesn't make it right that nobody can behead him but he behead them for the same thing that they all did...or didn't!
I think I will wiki the King and read more about him.
Labels: rambles, reflections
Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:28 PM
I was reading Jason Mraz's blog and am amazed at his human-ness. That's the word he used. He was describing how he is still a human with problems and worries eventhough he's a successful singer doing 180 shows/gigs a year. He wrote this particular entry before he perfromed 'I'm Yours' on idol. If you watched the finale of the Kris Allen season you will remember that Jason came on stage to sing 'I'm yours' with the season's contestant.
Jason said that his plan was to sing the song like it was the first time he is singing the song and he will enjoy himself.
He said: "Worry is what happens when we create meaning in a way that brings us down and its usually about an event that never really happens."
For example: If I had a failed relationship, I'm worried that it might happen again. But that's worrying about a relationship that is yet to happen...so why worry?
Jason's blog is full of insightful things and it makes me so amazed and surprise that he is down to earth and is as human as we are. He is afraid...he fears about how he look like in the eyes of his friends, family and fans. That's very normal. Sometimes, he felt like leaving in the middle of a show...in a middle of a song. It's all about commitment.
Go to jasonmraz.com and read his blog!
Labels: reflections
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:58 PM
Sometimes it’s difficult to know that you’re the only person who is alone in this world. You ponder and wonder why this is the case and why companionship is so difficult to come by your way. Is it you or it is all those other people? What is the reason?
So you searched but you can’t find. You wondered and you can’t find. You questioned but there’s no answer. You seek out only to find nothing.
Search. Wonder. Question. Seek.
Wonder. Question. Seek. Search.
No answer. No response. No reaction. No clue.
My head is already getting dizzy from typing out this entry. Squeezed out the remaining of my brain juices and I ain’t got anything left.
Labels: reflections
