Monday, October 29, 2007 10:06 PM
18 December 2005
Ian didn’t really walked out of my life, he was just gone; rarely there. He was there like a piece of memory I could not let go. He was there in my life but he appeared only through a whisper of his name. I couldn’t find a way to let go but since he was rarely there for me, I soon forgot about him, suddenly grateful that I didn’t have to think about him again. He was happy, he looks happy. She looks like a good girl for him, probably the best. I didn’t ask how his relationship with Sarah was. The truth is I did not want to hear him say “We’re great, she’s great.”
I was selfish, hoping that one day things will just go wrong and then maybe like Kaitlin said “Trust me, when she broke up with him, he’ll run back to you.”
Things began to go my way. I went out on a few dates and eventhough none of them lead to something more, I was enjoying being single…no strings attached. Then I met Hayden. He’s funny, good-looking and spontaneous. We went on a few dates and I began to like him more and more.
“This is it, I think it’s him.” I told Kaitlin.
Then a few days later, probably two days later, Ian suddenly called me on my mobile. It was unlike him to do that. He told me that there was going to be a party at his place and he wants me to be there.
Three days ago, I was at the party and I was ecstatic to see friends that I have not seen for 6 years. We hanged out and talked like we had not been separated for that long. I noticed that Sarah wasn’t there so I asked Ian when we were alone.
“We broke up.”
I didn’t ask why and I knew he was not going to tell me until he was ready.
The night was still young when people started to leave, so a few of us decided to go to The Dark House to party the night away. Everyone else was a couple except for Ian and me so the both of us just stayed with each other. We talk and dance and we avoid the alcohol. I think we both knew that it’s better to stay sober and he was driving. Both of us had never drink an ounce or a sip of alcohol in our whole lives and I knew we both wanted it to stay that way.
The day after, I found myself thinking about Ian and not Hayden. I got scared and started to mentally scold Ian for physically walking back into my life. Hayden called a few times and I wasn’t as excited as I was before. I shouldn’t even think about Ian in the first place because he is my friend. He is just a friend.
“You know, I will be really happy for you if you’ve found someone, so tell me, who is he?”
“Ian, he is no one, we’re not dating exclusively.”
It was the truth; Hayden and I were just casually dating. That’s all it is.
So tell me, what am I doing? Am I being pathetic?
`(C)ramia
