I probably have said the wrong things more than I have said the right things. I probably have kept things inside my heart more than I let it out. I probably daydream more than I should have. These are the things that make me, me. These are the things that have probably helped me become who I am today. I’ve tried alternative ways of handling things that come my way.
For example I tried telling a guy that I like him and then all I get was:
“I like you too but I can’t be in a relationship at the moment. I have lots of other responsibilities.”
Then as if the previous one wasn’t a lesson I should have learnt by heart, I did it again! But you see, the situation was different this time around. I’ve known this guy for eight years and I’ve known the previous guy only for a month. And all I get was:
“I just got attached to someone.”
So now it left me wondering whether making the first move was the best thing to do in the first place. I’ve read countless books and magazines who tell me that you can’t always let the guy to be the one getting all the rejections; girls have to taste a slice of the pie too.. Sometimes guys thought that it will be easier for them if the girl just make the first move and ask them out. So how come after two times I feel like I should do it again.
Sometimes I may have read signs wrongly but why would a guy give me all these signals. JUST STOP ALREADY!!!
One time actually went well. I asked Bryan out for lunch and he immediately said yes but I guess that’s different. I wasn’t telling him that I like him. Not that I do…I think. But hey I did somehow indirectly tell him that I am interested in him. It was communicated to my colleague who then told him. But since that day I have a comfortable friendship with him eventhough all we did was call each other names. However we manage a comfortable conversation throughout one of our occasional lunches and I found out that he graduated from SP too. He was from EEE doing something to do with IT. And now he has a new haircut which reminds me of someone that I have not seen for a very very long time.
I need a sign…like a “THIS IS THE TRUTH” sign or something. I don't feel like getting hurt anymore and I know Yanping has given me several warnings about this. My dear friend is just afraid that I might start getting hurt again.
I think I fall to fast and I dived into things without thinking. And I dislike this certain character of me. But it seems like no matter how many times I reminded myself, I couldn't stop myself from doing it.
