What do you do when you tell a guy that you like him only to found out a few hours later that he was officially dating someone – not from him but from his Friendster profile. Worst still, when you told him you like him, he was on a date with his soon-to-be girlfriend.
Between you and him, confessions started to flow and you cried quietly in your room. He said he is sorry for being such a loser of a friend and betraying or ruining your loyalty. He said he didn’t realise that you like him and he did thought of chasing after you when you spend a few hours talking with him after not seeing each other for 3 years.
Nine years but you guess it meant nothing to him because if it does mean only if a small fraction, then you know he will never make you feel this way. You have been complaining to your friends about him but you can’t seem to let go. Then you realise that maybe…just maybe you have fallen in love with him. You deny it because he is a friend and friends do not become lovers in the end.
You cried quite a lot however you promise yourself “that’s it, big girls don’t cry!”
Never once he ever asked of your well-being then once in a while messages like “How are you my dear friend” made your way to your handphone. You know its guilt because there are no other reasons to why he is does that.
But sometimes you wished that it had been the other way around, that you and him could work something out.
Then 3 months later, at 6:30 in the morning, he sms you to invite you to his engagement ceremony. He tells you that he hopes you can make it.
What do you do?
Well I already made my decision and I have done so as soon as I pushed him out of my life forever. I told him that I couldn’t do it anymore, that I couldn’t be that friend I was. So I told him that we should cut all ties.
He’s getting engaged…my decision is final and that is to rid him out of my life. No more memories. I’ll put away all the stuff he has given me because I don’t want it to mean anything. I’ll dump it into a box and bury it somewhere. No more thingking of 'what could have been's.
I'm naturally unable to mourn over things that make me sad. it will catch me off guard for a few minutes and then I will be back to getting on with life.
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You’re probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection
Be with myself and centred clarity peace serenity
I hope you know I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you
Like a child misses their blanket
But I gotta get a move on
With my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
The path that I’m walking I must go on
I must take the baby steps till I’m full grown
Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It’s personal myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I’m gonna miss you
Like a child misses their blanket
But I gotta get a move on
With my life
It’s time to be a big girl now
And big girls don’t cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We play Jackson and UNO cards
I’ll be your bestfriend and you’ll be my valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
Coz I wanna hold yours to
We’ll be playmates and lovers and share our secret world
But it’s time for me to go home
It’s getting late its dark outside
I need to be with myself and centred clarity peace serenity
